Can't Last For Long
by PurpleSheep
Summary: Rogue's feeling depressed and sick of her mutation. A talk with Kitty makes her think.


Just to clarify, I own nothing of the X-Men

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Rain pattered heavily upon the panes of the vast mansion windows. A flash of lightening illuminated the dark sky, revealing the ominous grey clouds that graced it. Thunder rumbled in the background as Rogue stared out at the on coming storm. She liked storms; they left the world dark and depressed. The darkness the opaque clouds brought embraced her in such a way that she felt at peace with the world. That she could curl up and hide away from everyone. The atmosphere that the storms brought fitted her mood perfectly. 

She scowled at the rain as it cascaded its way down the glass, like tears down a lone cheek. Mocking and taunting her as she tried desperately to hold back the water brimming in her own emerald eyes. She clenched her eyelids together, willing the tears to disappear, failing miserably as one escaped down her pale face. She rubbed it away harshly just before another one fell. Her throat tightened sharply, her breath catching. Leaning her face against the chilled glass she attempted to regain control of her emotions.

This wasn't like her, not like her at _all_. She never cried. She simply refused to do it. She wasn't going to show her weakness to the world.

The sound of the door opening snapped her back to reality and she hastily wiped away the remaining tears. She glanced towards the door to see who was intruding.

'Rogue?' Kitty's timid voice called. 'Rogue what's wrong?' the apprehension in her voice growing when she spotted the tear stains and mascara trails left on her cheeks.

'Nothin' Kit, Ah'm fine just leave me alone' Rogue replied, looking out the window once again. She could feel the tears behind her eyes building up once again. She replaced her head upon the windowpane and closed her eyes once more. 'Not now' she thought, 'Not in front of Kitty'.

She was startled out of her thoughts by a small hand on her shoulder. She flinched, momentarily forgetting that her skin was covered. More tears came to her eyes at the contact, wishing more than anything for the ability to touch.

'Rogue you're not fine' Kitty stated, trying to pull the Goth girl around to look at her face.

Rogue refused to move, instead burying her face into her gloved hands. The material becoming wet with the onslaught on tears. Her shoulders shaking with the effort to keep the sob within her throat.

Contact. Control. Touch. That's all she wanted. The simple task of reaching out for a handshake was out of the question because of her curse. Her burden. The burden she has to carry for the rest of her life. Her stupid curse that she had no control over, that limited everything she could do.

The voices in her mind that never left her. Taunting her with insensitive comments. Blaming her for their imprisonment there. So many voices. All condemning her.

A sob escaped her throat and Kitty wrapped her arms around her. Her chin resting against white stripes. Holding her as sobs shook her body.

Rogue clung to Kitty, finally letting go and releasing her emotions. The tears running down her face in torrents, sobs escaping her chest in bursts. She didn't want this curse any more. She wasn't strong enough. Her incurable disease spreading through her mind. Her body couldn't fight anymore, the disease was taking over.

'Shh' Kitty whispered, stroking her hair and rocking her gently. 'It's okay, shh.'

'It's not fair Kit! Ah cant do it anymore' Rogue dissolved into sobs once again.

'Yes you can' Kitty replied, 'I know it's hard but you've managed so far, you will be able to control it if you keep trying, I know you will.'

'But what if Ah can't?' Rogue answered back, pulling herself away from Kitty to look into her eyes. 'What if Ah can't and Ah end up never touching, never having control? Ah'd rather die than to live with this damn curse.'

'Don't say that! I mean it Rogue, if you get yourself down like this then you wont be able to fight it! Don't give in; you're stronger than this. Go see the professor; he might be able to help with the psyches…'

'He can't, they wont stop. They wont go! If Ah cant stop them he can't. They come back as soon as he's left my mind. Their driving me mad.' Rogue interrupted.

'I'm sure he can help, he can find a way, he's the professor remember' Kitty flashed her a grin, 'He's helped, like, loads of mutants, he wants to help.'

'Yeah but he hasn't helped me yet…' Rogue grimaced.

'Just, like, try not to worry, okay? I'm sure he will be able to help you, he just needs some more time.'

Rogue sighed and leaned back into Kitty. Maybe she was right. Maybe she was wrong. Either way she wouldn't be able to last long.


End file.
